Machete

The free online dictionary defines the following:

Ma·chet·e (ma-sht, -cht)

n.

A large heavy knife with a broad blade, used as a weapon and an implement for cutting vegetation.

The far more interesting and accurate –Quinnipedia- defines it as:

Ma·chet·e (Mah, shett, E)

n.

Epic. Like when you find 10 dollars in your pocket you didn’t know you had and then proceed to spend it on said movie.

Much like both definitions suggest, Machete cuts through the audience with long, broad swings and a heavy hand. Directed by a power duo of Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez, and filled to the brim with an all-star cast, Machete invokes a gritty feel nostalgic for cult classic movies, blended seamlessly with the over the top 80s action film genre. With its camera grit, campy dialog and nonsensical action & pacing, Machete is a fine Mexploitation movie. ;)

The basic premise is simple. Mexicans are funny to make fun of… or at least they don’t seem to be concerned at all about the rampant and hilarious racism that gets tossed their way. Amidst this hilarity: The touching story of the corrupt individuals pulling the strings of big business, and their hatred of Mexican workers that affect the Texas economy. In this case, the heavy influx of Mexicans immigrating illegally and working cheap, causing a substantive and widespread decline in profits. Big business (always the villain) can’t stand to have hemorrhaging pockets so they devise a brilliant plan of constructing a long electrified fence to help keep the wetbacks out.

But I guess they didn’t see Machete coming.

Machete (Danny Trejo) is a bad ass in case you were wondering. Wielding many bladed weapons including his namesake, he is so badass in fact; he refers to himself in the 3rd person. He also happens to be part of the Federales, and when his wife is killed by Torrez (Steven Seagal), a powerful and deep pocketed crime-lord, he plays the part of avenger and lets the bodies hit the floor. Pitted against him are the combined forces of a racist and xenophobic Texas Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), A powerfully connected crime guy (and planet terror alum) Booth (Jeff Fahey) –who incidentally likes his daughter April (Lindsey Lohan) a bit too much, and Don Johnson. I don’t remember the character Don was playing, some lieutenant military guy or something… but come on people Don mother f*cking Johnson.

Machete doesn’t need to do it alone though. He meets up with a guerrilla freedom fighter Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), The sexy U.S. customs agent Sartan (Jessica Alba) and even gets a hand from the always hilarious Cheech Marin playing the part of Padre a man of god.

This is a damn good movie but it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The plot and story kind of fall apart at the end, but that doesn’t stop this movie from not giving a crap. Action is all this movie cares about, over the top, outrageous action, and a lot of blood. In fact, that is why Machete is such a good movie. It just kind of sucks you into two hours of “stuff” happening. It has sleek production, an excellent cast and some of the most epic action sequences I have seen in a long time. While Machete is not going to win any Oscars any time soon, it definitely satisfied that little part of me that wondered, ”Can you really swing by a man’s intestines out a window and crash back into another window a story below?”. You will just have to watch to see.
(Review by Quinn Cruz-Hawkins)